This Is Us

Many years ago, when I was in my mid-twenties, my boyfriend at the time was explaining his categorization of women. Apparently, it was shared amongst his friends. It went something like this: Women between the ages of 20 and 25 were considered “gazelles.” He described them as being like “a deer in headlights.” They were naive and a little bit useless. Women 25 to 30 were “bobcats.” They were playful, fun, and, most importantly, agreeable. This, apparently, was the most desirable age range. Women in their thirties were “cougars.” They were on the prowl to find a mate. They were…

Humans 101

I have long wondered what the difference is between a soulmate and a childhood wound. Why are we so drawn to some people even though we know from experience that the relationship will end badly? How can some people trigger us to go from calm and conscious to a burning cauldron of rage or knot of anxiety in mere seconds?

While there are likely many psychological reasons for this, the explanation that resonates the most with me is that our relationships, or lack thereof, are spiritual assignments. …

Humans 101

“You’ll never find anyone that loves you more than me,” my high school boyfriend told me as I broke up with him. This was after I caught him stealing my Guns N’ Roses concert tickets and a gold nugget ring my mom had given me, along with other teenage valuables. Of course, I use the term “caught” lightly. I knew he stole them. He actually wore the ring in front of me — I just never confronted him. I didn’t want to rock the boat. But when I caught him cheating on me, that infraction was too big to overlook…

“Do you even value this relationship?” I ask my boyfriend, not in a curious and calm tone, but in an accusatory one, as if I already knew the answer and it wasn’t the right one. He looks at me like I’m slightly unhinged (and truthfully, that’s how I feel) because we both know that he does value the relationship, as evidenced by the many ways he makes my life better. I can see the wheels of his mind racing in an attempt to figure out where I’m coming from, but finally, he simply replies, “Yes, I care about this relationship.”…

Think back to a blissful day or night of lovemaking. Hopefully, you experienced physical pleasure and emotional connection. Those are generally the reasons we desire sex. However, you might have also experienced a sense of timelessness, unification of body, mind, and spirit, and at the time of orgasm, a loss of self. In fact, the French word for orgasm, la petite mort, translates to “little death.” We can consider it the death of the ego because, at that moment, you’re no longer focused on “I.” You weren’t worried about the bills that have to be paid, the dishes that need…

“You win again,” my boyfriend says jokingly in defeat while we lounge in bed after making love one Wednesday morning. He is referring to my ability to have multiple orgasms and linger in bed for hours. “I wish I could get as much out of sex as you,” he continues, almost enviously. I look at him sideways and say, “You seem to get a great deal from it.”

That morning, he unexpectedly arrived at 7:20 AM, only minutes after the kids got on the school bus. I was just sitting down to write and enjoying my second cup of tea…

To be ourselves causes us to be exiled by many others, and yet to comply with what others want causes us to be exiled from ourselves. — Clarissa Pinkola Estés

You likely have some dreams for your ideal life. It could be a nomadic existence, a self-sufficient homestead, or a conventional marriage and family. Or maybe you have no idea and are eager to try out a few different options before settling on one. But sometimes it can be challenging to embark on an unconventional path. It’s not easy to break free from the expectations of others, like your family…

In March 2019, I attended a writing workshop in Boston called “Get Clear on Your Main Idea.” It was an opportunity to outline the book that I’d been considering. I had recently started a series of essays that explained how I’ve applied goddess wisdom to my life and how others could do the same. Though I always dreamed of becoming a writer, these essays were the first pieces of writing that I shared with the world. It was exhilarating! I had an idea to turn this series into a book. …